kayuna_hime

I try to forget youre there. 
But every step you still in front of me.
Telling lies. Just trying to make it the same way, showing how better you are.
But no, I'm sorry, you are not.

Be yourself, leave me alone.

There are so many people I'd like to be able to hate for breaking me, for making me feel so bad.
I just can't feel it, I just can't tell them how sick they made me feel.

First of all, this article is dedicated to you who forgot me so quickly as you'd chosen me for friend, one of your best friend. I trusted you, I relied on you, I wanted to be always there for you. I promise I would have helped you feeling better and better. But you decided you did not need me and I lost you, staring at you passing me by.

Then... Let me tell you that I cant understand how I ve standed all that you did to me. You played with me but I'm not a puppet, you hadnt any right on me and you hadnt to break me that way, to feed me with lies, to hurt me with smiles, to make me believe you would support me such as you were able to.

And to conclude you. You stole my heart you almost stole my body, I was more dead than a corpse, because of you. Moreover, you take me for granted and you destructed completely my life, making me lost the only person I want to be with now.

All of you, I wanted to tell you to go to hell now. You hadnt kill me and I feel better each day spent far from you. I made me become stronger, and you learned me that true friends are a treasure, hard to find, but they are the most important thing ever...

I think i've never been such alone than at that time.

I love winter, snowflakes, Xmas, holidays, ... But now, I just feel alone.
Nothing to do, nobody to help me.
I think I've got an actual problem with relationship... I've got many friends of course, but there's nobody I really trust, nobody I want to rely on. Like an old fear, I just can't prevent myself from doing this...
I'm looking for someone who would have the courage to take me by the hand and show me that I'm not that alone...
But now, I feel lost. I'm falling, just falling, can't see any issue, any backdoor.

Many people are asking me why I like wearing sweet lolita dresses...
Here, I'd like to explain them how I feel about it.

This world is dark, really dark. Do you think I'm kidding ? Or I'm abusing ? Sorry but... No I dont think so.
Each day passing, I understand more and more things about the people I live with.
Straightforward person is an illusion, promesses are a lullaby, friends... dont know what to think bout it... Success included things everyone knows but doesn't want to see, included deceptions, unfairness, ... Nothing is pure, simple, beautiful... Even the falling snow is made of polluted water...
Then in that world, I refuse to be usual, I want to stay in my innocent world, and, how you must have understood it, lolita allows it.
Wearing light blue and pink dresses, with butterflies, cakes, ponies and fawns is the best way I found to become blind to the horror of that society.
I love feeling like if I were a doll, a porcelain doll, with pink cheeks, innocent smile, but with this blank stare on my face. I want my clothes to express the way I'd like everything to be...
I want to stay the little Princess I thought I was...
And maybe one day, I'll find my Prince Charming, who will come and take me far away, far away from reasons to cry, ...

Then, that's why I wear sweet lolita clothes. I want to show that the world can be as innocent as it seemed to be, I want to extort a smile to sad people, I want to show that hope is still here, where you left it such a long time ago, and that innocent things still being, whatever it happens. Our earliest childhood could become our way of life...

I want to believe one day I'll be the happiest princess in this mad world, wearing a light blue dress, with fake white fur and white pony.

Hello !
I'm new on LJ so I don't really understand everything for the moment ^^"
But I wish I would find many kind people there ! Btw, don't be afraid to come and talk to me !
See you ~~